The Mystery of the Burning Treestump; or The Curse of My 30th Birthday, Part I

It's 11:59 and I'm waiting patiently around the corner while Ashley lights my birthday candles. There are a lot of them, and I begin to grow impatient. Once they're lit and the kitchen is ablaze with candlelight, she sings the song and I blow them out. (Barely) Immediately following the song, (I mean, immediately) with an inquisitive look on her face, she begins investigating shenanigans outside. You see, she heard glass break during my candle ceremony. (COMPLETELY RUINING MY LIFE) (not really) She and I run to the window to eavesdrop, and we hear broken conversations about "who did it?" and a possible scheme to frame a douchebag. It's after this that we smell smoke through the window and decide, okay, maybe it's time to investigate a little more proactively. There is an old treestump out front and someone apparently set it on fire. Upstairs Neighbor Dude broke the emergency glass and emptied an extinguisher on it, reducing it to a smoldering, well, stump. This is where we poke our head out the door and Neighbor Dude, already a high-strung character, starts talking a mile a minute. He can't get the apartment emergency people, and seemed dumbfounded when Ashley recommended 911. Afterall, it's an increasingly smoking stump, and we ain't got hoses. Several minutes later, sleepy firemen came and doused the inferno with soapy water. Cursing us under their breath and trying not to laugh. After all the excitement was over, we helped ourselves to birthday cake and went to bed.